are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
