i already hear my dad disowning me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Drunk is not a location!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
