it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
