I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
