She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
