I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
