She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
nutella sex= disaster
well most of my day revolves around power hour
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
