i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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