he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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