This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
