Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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