Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
