Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
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I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
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Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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