Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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