david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
