so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
