they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize