Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
