In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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