rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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