What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
