Screwed.edu
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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