I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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