We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
