it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
