I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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