I will die if light touches me.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
