giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
