dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
