She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
