Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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