You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
