I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
