there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
