i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
