used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
