Plan B is the new Plan A
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
