I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
