you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
