I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
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I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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