apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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