Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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