I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
