So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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