Do vagina's smell?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
