I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize