i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
