the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
