I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
