dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Send help, water and tortillas.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
