Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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