K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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