worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
