maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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