I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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