Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
