Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
