You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize