i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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