it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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