my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She needs sedatives and a leash
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
