What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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