I think I died a long time ago.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize