normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
