Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I need to align my fucking chakras
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