I hope mine doesn't look like that
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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