i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
