So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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