Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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