I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize