sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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