NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
