i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
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dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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