I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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