my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
