She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We left the knife in your bed.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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