he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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